Radio
by paris1601
Summary: The guys attempt to listen to Jiipu's radio. Oneshot.


_Beware. This is me trying to be funny, but this will probably turn out to be mere nonsense (so what's new?). Please don't hurt me if this royally sucks, I have a very sensitive constitution. I didn't think it would be this long, but I guess nonsense can extend for as long as you want it to... It is nonsense, after all... (I need coffee...)_

_Paris_

_**Disclaimer**: Saiyuki is not mine. The story is fictional and all similarities to people and events in real life are coincidences._

**Radio**

_**Rather, why Hakuryu's radio is never turned on.**_

"Ne, Hakkai, doesn't Jeep have a radio?"

The brown-haired driver glanced at the set of dials to his left and smiled. "Yes, Goku, he does."

"Yeah, 'Kai, I remember we used to listen to it before we went on this trip," Gojyo leaned over Sanzo's shoulder to reach for the dials, but the blond monk beat him to it. However, no matter what Sanzo did, the radio did not turn on. "Tch, you don't even know how to operate it, Sanzo."

"Any half-wit can operate a radio, kappa," Sanzo grunted, the number of veins throbbing on his head increasing as he tried one dial after another. Still, nothing happened.

Gojyo tried to reach for the dials again, "Come on, let me do it. I know how to turn the radio on."

THWAP!

"Sit down and be quiet. I can operate this myself!" Sanzo roared as he hid his fan as magically as he had produced it.

Gojyo rubbed his head. "You didn't have to hit so hard."

"Sanzo..." Goku whined from the back seat.

Sanzo bristled, still unable to turn the radio on. "What?"

"I'm bored. You're taking too long..." Goku explained.

Gojyo sat with his chin on his hand, pouting in frustration. "Yeah, for once the monkey and I agree."

"Shut up."

"Sanzo, you've been trying to turn on the radio for about half an hour now," Gojyo called out from the back seat. "Why don't you let me do it?"

"I want music..." Goku chimed in, his tone little different from his usual moans of 'I'm hungry'.

Still too proud to admit defeat, Sanzo glared at the kappa and the monkey. "Be quiet." He then resumed turning the numerous dials.

Hakkai kept smiling. "There's a switch to the left of the dial farthest from me," he informed Sanzo, his expression not faltering. "You could just flip it."

Sanzo eyed Hakkai wearily. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"You looked like you were having fun turning all those dials."

Sanzo considered killing Hakkai, but the idea of being left with the pair of idiots at the back made him change his mind. He flipped the switch.

BLAST! SSSHHHHH!

White noise at full volume blared in a way almost impossible considering the tiny speaker the radio had.

"Shit, you corrupt monk! Turn it down!" Gojyo screamed, his hands flying to his ears.

Goku looked like he was in real pain, "Sanzo! Turn it down!"

"What?" Hakkai shouted over the noise.

"TURN IT DOWN!" Goku wailed.

Hakkai turned to Sanzo, smile still in place, "It seems you placed it at full volume and set it at no particular station, which gives us this painful white noise."

"What?" Sanzo looked at Hakkai questioningly. He suddenly had no idea what to do.

"TURN IT DOWN!" Goku and Gojyo shouted at the two men up front.

Hakkai turned the dial for the volume and lowered it to a more tolerable level. "Now, can everyone hear properly?"

"I swear, Hakkai, you're just doing this to annoy us," Gojyo grumbled.

Sanzo began reconsidering his decision about killing Hakkai.

Hakkai turned another dial and began searching for a station. That was when he caught a news station. Sanzo immediately told him to stop.

"But it's all about the weather," Goku complained.

Gojyo tilted his head back, "This is even more boring than complete silence."

"I could die of boredom," Goku added.

"What's taking you?" Sanzo grunted without batting an eyelash.

Hakkai chuckled, "That's cold, even for you, Sanzo."

Gojyo reached for the tuner and set it to his favorite station then quickly raised the volume a bit, "That's more like it." He sat back, pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Then he laid back and closed his eyes as the heavy bass of some rock song began to pulse through the tiny vehicle. He was just about to take a long drag from his smoke when a bullet tore off the lit tip.

"What'd you do that for, you corrupt monk?"

"Maa maa, Gojyo," Hakkai reprimanded gently. "You know there is no smoking in Jeep when we're on the move. It's impolite and the rest of us have nowhere to go."

But Gojyo was not listening to Hakkai. He was just more concerned about the fact that his rock had been replaced by news about some restaurant opening. "I liked that song!"

Hakkai made no attempt to repeat his admonition. He just continued smiling.

As Sanzo and Gojyo went for each other's throats, soft romantic music began to fill the air. Lyrics that David Pomeranz would call sappy were sung by a crooner who was obviously untrained. Gojyo and Sanzo sweatdropped.

"Oi, Hakkai, what is that?" Gojyo asked.

Perma-smile in place, Hakkai replied, "That's Goku's station."

Bewildered eyes turned to Goku who appeared even more confused. "What!"

Gojyo stifled a laugh. "You..."

Goku, who was just settling into his seat after changing the station, was defensive, "Hey, so I like sad love songs."

"Yeah, there are a lot of things 'sad' about that song," Gojyo teased. He stood up and reached over to change back the station.

"I was listening to that, you stupid kappa!" Goku shouted, pulling Gojyo back so he could change the station again.

Gojyo fought back, "That wasn't music, you idiotic monkey!"

"...cloudy with scattered rain showers and thunderstorms..."

Gojyo and Goku glared at the offender, "Sanzo!"

Sanzo cocked his gun at the two, "Shut up or I will kill you."

Hakkai glanced at the incensed monk, "Now, Sanzo, it isn't fair that you always get your way." At that, the kappa and the monkey nodded.

"Life isn't fair," Sanzo grunted.

"I have an idea," Hakkai's smile grew a bit brighter albeit a bit evil. Sanzo gave him an untrusting gaze.

Gojyo was more receptive, "Great! Anything is better than this news crap. It's the same everyday, anyway. What do you get out of reading the paper, Sanzo? I guess corrupt monks who never do anything for themselves need something to pass the time."

Sanzo aimed his gun. "Are you that anxious to die?"

The half breed scuttled back to his seat, then changed the topic. "What's your idea, Hakkai?"

"Let's listen to what Hakuryu wants to listen to."

Everyone else was dubious, but the moment Hakkai presented his suggestion, the Jeep gave a joyful 'Kyuu!' For some reason, Gojyo, Goku, and even Sanzo had to let the dragon-turned-jeep have his way.

And that was how the radio got turned to "Kai's Corniest Commercials on the Radio".

Some time later...

"...And that concludes our hour on the 'Corniest Meat Bun Commercials Ever'!" the DJ announced much to the relief of the Sanzo-ikkou. For some reason, after they had let Hakuryu have his way, no one could change the radio station.

"I hope you enjoyed the segment as much as I did!"

Gojyo, whose head had been hanging out the side of the jeep, muttered just loud enough for everyone to hear. "I hope you enjoy my shakouju through you as much as I would."

Hakkai chuckled in amusement.

Goku looked a lot less happy than Hakkai, though. He had become pale and his eyes seemed to sink into his face. "Sanzo..." he moaned.

"What is it?"

"I'm hungry."

At this, Hakkai had to laugh. "After all those meat bun commercials, I'm not surprised."

"Shut up, monkey," Sanzo growled, even more irritable than before. He then glared at Hakkai, "This is your fault."

Hakkai just laughed even more.

"But, Sanzo, I'm hungry..."

"SHUT UP!"

There were a few seconds of tense silence, and then, the radio again. "Is he irritable? Touchy? Always in a bad mood? Maybe he's constipated! Then all he needs is EZ-Out, and in an hour, he'll be crapping out the stick up his ass! EZ-Out laxative, you'll wish you'd known about it sooner!"

Click.

Sanzo turned off the radio and another tense silence settled on the traveling foursome.

Hakkai, who now had a serious look on his face, was the one to break the silence. "Ne, Sanzo, is that your problem?"

At that, Gojyo, Goku, and Hakkai burst out laughing.

Bang!

Silence.

"Hakkai, don't ever turn that radio on again."

"Ah...hai."

_**End**_


End file.
